084
by KennyEchelon
Summary: POV Fic of Chapter 84. Sort of a character study, sort of a chapter rewrite. Close to death, Erwin contemplates his life and all the regrets that came with it. Levi is forced to make a difficult decision. MAJOR SPOILERS for the Return to Shiganshina arc. Rated M for graphic depictions of (canon-typical) violence and gore. Animal death warning. ONE SHOT.


Erwin Smith lay where he'd fallen, stomach down with his head twisted to the side. The taste of blood bubbled at the back of his throat, his energy too far gone to even choke. He didn't know if it was drool or blood that was leaking from his mouth, but he knew it made little difference. Salt and iron burned on his tongue and it  
just  
wouldn't  
stop.

His body lay crumpled on the ground, his 3D Maneuver Gear pressing painfully into his thighs. He could feel the wound in his side bleeding, seeping into the soil beneath him. His ribs were shattered and shards of bone were lodged in his lungs, making it even harder to breathe.

He was suffocating.

Erwin's eyes were glassy; his vision was unfocused. The blurred figures of the Titans moved clumsily in the distance. The ringing in his ears refused to subside, although it was a small comfort as the screams of his soldiers were still audible.

But he could still hear them.

He lay there, thinking. His remaining arm was bent above his head, and he suspected it was broken. Erwin's horse had collapsed and hurled him into the ground, but he'd definitely felt hoof connect with flesh as he'd fallen. The animal lay a few feet away, desperately gasping for breath, but the wound in her neck was too serious to recover from. There was one last wet gurgle, and she was gone.

As the agony spread through Erwin's body, he couldn't help but think he deserved it.

All those people dead.

All those people he'd lied to.

All those people he'd led straight into hell.

Now even his horse had been killed under his watch.

A hollow hopelessness pooled in the bottom of his stomach, eating at his insides like acid. His entire military career, he'd left a trail of bodies in his wake. If the next one was his own, so be it. He had nothing else left to lose. He'd lost his father, his arm, and now he'd even cast aside his dream to ensure victory for the Survey Corps.

Erwin mentally chastised himself. He'd been foolish; believing that he'd actually see what was inside that basement. He'd known that the odds were against him from the start. He was clever, yes, and he was calculating, but in his own mind he was not a good man.

It was the job of nobler men to complete his mission.

He'd seen himself in the younger generation – the Erwin before the army – before the responsibility and reputation had eroded his optimism. They had yet to lose all their faith, and they could still see the end of the fight. They'd remained recklessly hopeful, despite living through hell. They may not be the same people they were when they'd enlisted, but the nightmare of military life hadn't made them completely cynical.

He had particularly seen promise in Armin. Almost a master of analytical thinking, and a keen strategist, Erwin saw him becoming a fine commander someday. Armin could see things he didn't and his unique perspective had saved the Corps more than once. His hands were relatively clean, not yet used to spilling blood.

Erwin lay there, his face rammed into the ground. His cheek was squashed against the turf and grass poked up his nose. His sense of smell was flooded with a leafy earthiness, combined with the metallic scent of blood.

He thought of Levi, currently trying to finish what he started. Would his sacrifice make sure he took down the Beast Titan? Would his sacrifice make sure he _survived_? The Survey Corps couldn't go on if they lost both of them here. Yes, Hange and Armin could take the lead, but the morale would be unsalvageable. All the lives given for a slim chance of success… the mission was in Levi's hands now.

He heard footsteps near his head and a shadow cast over him, blocking the sun. By now the screams had stopped and there was silence, save for the laboured breathing of the man stood inches from him. He sounded panicked, and Erwin could just make out the unmistakeable "shiiiiing" of a blade being unsheathed.

Death didn't scare him anymore, but he at least wanted the honour of facing it. He used every ounce of effort he still had left to turn and look at the soldier about to kill him, but could barely move his head even a centimetre.

Darkness crept into the edges of his vision, as he looked into his horse's lifeless eyes. Then, in a single moment, everything faded to black.

* * *

When he awoke, he was lying on his back and the sunlight burned through his eyelids. Erwin felt someone take hold of his arm, which prompted him to open his eyes a fraction. The outline of Levi Ackerman came into soft focus and a wave of relief spread through him. He was _alive_. He wanted to know if the plan had worked, if the Beast Titan had been defeated but he'd been fighting against delirium since he'd passed out. His mind was his best asset, and he wanted to die with it as sharp as it had been in life. With every passing second, control seemed to become more impossible.

 _No._

Erwin's thoughts became erratic, and all of a sudden he was a child again. He relaxed against the rooftop, the pressures and expectations of the military becoming a problem for a later time. He stared up at the sky but didn't see it, retreating back into his own head. It was safer inside his mind, and his pain almost faded into the background. He didn't even notice Levi beginning to press the needle against his skin.

With a sudden jerk, he ripped his arm away from the syringe, gesturing to someone who wasn't there.

The blood hadn't stopped rising in his throat, although it had slowed significantly. To Levi's disbelief, Erwin spoke, and his voice was thick and wet.

"Teacher…"

"…how find out…"

"…don't exist?"

His question remained unanswered, as the captain took a moment to acknowledge he was losing him. Erwin was happy, wherever he was in his brain, and it felt selfish to drag him out into reality. Levi wasn't sure if Erwin would ever forgive him if he hurled him back into the hellhole he'd managed to escape. He wasn't sure if he'd truly given up months ago.

He thought back to their first encounter, when Erwin had given him a chance to redeem himself and join the Survey Corps. He'd tried to kill him then, but now he literally held his life in his hands it was completely different. He was the closest ally Levi had left, and the feeling was mutual. Erwin Smith was his salvation, and it was his duty to repay the favour.

He swallowed, steeling himself for the decision he was about to make.

Pocketing the serum, he hurried to the other side of the roof and hoisted Armin onto his shoulders. Once he was confident he wouldn't fall off, he used his Maneuver Gear to swing across the street below and land three houses away. The oncoming blast would've likely annihilated Erwin on the spot – a thought Levi could hardly bear to face. He deserved a proper burial at the very least. He was the commander of the Survey Corps and anything less would be disrespectful.

He put Armin down, and withdrew the syringe. Taking a deep breath, he pierced the needle into his skin and pushed. After all the fluid had been drained, he quickly jumped onto a neighbouring building to avoid the lightning-like flash where his soldier once lay.

Armin's Titan form loomed above him, and he ran. In less than a minute, he had returned to Erwin's side, watching the Shifter lumber towards Bertolt and grab him with one hand. The screams echoed against the walls while the remaining Corps looked on.

"You guys!"

"Save me!"

"Annie!"

"REINER!"

Bertolt's skull was crushed between Armin's teeth and all of a sudden, everything went quiet.

Levi sat down, feeling hollow. He knew he made the right decision, so why did it feel so wrong? He'd turned his back on Armin, staring vacantly into empty space. It took him a second to register that Floch was speaking to him, questioning his actions.

"But why?"

The captain looked at him, bracing himself to defend his decision.

"Can't we just let him go? His only choice was to become the devil. And it was us who wanted that of him. Not only that, he was finally freed from hell, but we were going to call him back into it, just like you. So I think… we ought to let him rest."

His heart sank, knowing that he'd have to say goodbye. Levi's mind grew clouded with regret. He'd _failed_ him. He'd let Zeke go and now Erwin's sacrifice was in vain. He began to apologise, reiterating his oath that he'd be the one to kill the Shifter.

"Erwin… about my promise that I'd take out the Beast Titan… looks like we're going to have to wait."

Levi gazed at Erwin's motionless form.

"He's already dead."

His stomach lurched and his chest squeezed painfully as Hange spoke in reply. It felt as though the wind was knocked out of him, and he was too numb to properly process what had just happened. His throat grew tight and he struggled to speak.

" _Oh_."


End file.
